i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
