My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
