You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
