idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
