erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
