i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
