I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize