My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
