Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
