Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
