I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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