Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
