Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
