the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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