the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
