went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i drank out of a bidet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
