Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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