You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
