i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
