P.S. I can't hear my feet
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
