new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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