I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
