I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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