I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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