So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The adults are the big ones right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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