It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
