I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
