I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just want nice things and good sex
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
