My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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