the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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