Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
