I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
