So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize