1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
