I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
