Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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