did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
