Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
