ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
