If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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