DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
