i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
