you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We have started to decorate penises.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
