Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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