why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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