guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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