He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
