I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
