You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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