do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
