God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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