Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
