he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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