Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
