Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
