I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
