waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
