Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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