Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
