New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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