I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
