Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
