Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
