I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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