i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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