I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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