I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
