...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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