I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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