No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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