I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize