I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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