No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
