HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Im part way to drunk.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
