I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Randomize
