are you so shy because you have an std?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
