just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize