Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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