Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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