no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
