Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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