He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
from now on my penis is your penis
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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