One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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