I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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