so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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