OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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