My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
