I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
